Not strictly suicidal but i do want to self harm it's wierd i want to sleep but I'm not tired and absolutely everything seems like a major drag .
I actually feel kinda lonely but i don't have the energy to maintain a proper friendship and even if I did i still wouldn't have any one to talk to about these feelings cause i did once and it just kinda ruined it i always felt like she was slightly uneasy around me after that and now it made it so uneven even though I know that I'm not the only person who feels like this but i wish i knew somebody that i could share stuff with like no strings i could help them and they could help me and we could stumble through life knowing we have some backup that would be nice to have like some security and just somebody who understands I just think it would be nice to have something concrete while everything around me is on flux and there is nothing i can do to control it
